So, what do you intend to do with that piece of broken glass and that roll of duct tape? Make a shiv?
How do you know?
I always knew it was only a matter of time until you did something violent.
Violent? I am only making this to clean the gunk from under my toenails.
Please tell me you’re not wearing those shoes.
Everyone likes these shoes but you.
Really? And that sweater you have on is absolutely awful.
Says you.
No one could possibly like those pants either.
I like them.
Can’t account for bad taste.
Keep your snobby attitudes to yourself.
Everything you have on is either wrinkled, dated, dirty or a combination thereof.
That’s only your persnickety opinion.
You’re right. I actually put the light on when I dress.
Ants are an example of an insects that comes in both winged and wingless forms. The winged version are called alates.
Look at that. You learn something new every day.
And that’s what you learned today.
That some ants have wings and some don’t?
Exactly.
Perhaps you don’t understand what I’m saying.
Excuse me? What did you say?
Really?
Say it again.
PPerhaps you don’t understand what I’m saying.
I didn’t get that.
Come on and listen!
Are you saying something?
Cretin.
I am sorry. You were saying.
Oh. I hate talking to you.
Understand this – I don’t like when you talk to me like I’m a fool. I am perspicacious enough to grasp anything that leaves your mouth.
Sorry. You were saying?
”Valeria, what is that viscid stuff all over your floor?”
“I have no idea. Smell it.”
“Smell it! Are you out of your mind?”
“Can’t say that I am. If I was out of my mind, I’d be smelling it.”
“I don’t think that’s the only option.”
“Don’t smell it then. Have a taste instead.”
”Believe it or not, that bonny woman over there is actually the devil’s disciple in human form come to steal our souls.”
“Oh, my goodness! What should we do?”
“Nevermind what WE should do. I am running for my life to be spared eternal damnation.”
“Not so fast. I am right behind you but I can’t run too fast in these white sandals.”
“You needn’t bother. You are already damned for wearing those shoes after Labor Day.”
Eileen is very stubborn and was about to do something very destructive so I tried to reason with her.
“Xplain to me why you’re doing that and I’ll try to understand, even if I don’t agree”.
“Persuade me that I’m wrong and I’ll do it your way.”
“One thing that comes to mind is that it’s stupid”
“Stupid? You’re calling me stupid?”
“That’s not what I said. I am calling what you’re doing stupid. You’re not stupid; just extremely defensive.”
Underneath it all she knew I was right and she decided to listen to my argument.
“Listen to me. You should not boil water in a little pot on the stove. You may forget about it and burn the house down.”
“And what should I do instead?”
“Try using the electric whistling kettle that I bought for you.”
Eileen never listens to me. We are currently waiting for the fire department.
When Nick was a star wrestler in high school he did not think that his 51 year-old self would be working in the library making just a little over minimum wage. He also didn’t think he would be divorced and paying a good chunk of his paltry take home pay towards child support. He only saw his two children for three weeks in the summer. During their stay he was endlessly barraged with “Why can’t we spend the summer in Atlanta with all of our friends?”, his ex-wife having cleaved the family apart and moving to Georgia four years before. In better times, Nick had visited Atlanta during July; his kids should be thanking him – the humidity there was excruciating!
Because of his gender and his athletic physique, Nick’s many menial jobs at the library included serving as a de facto security guard. He was charged with making sure that the motley crew of patrons were following the library rules. This task was not as easy as it sounds. The library was constantly filled with a selection of ne’er-do-wells who came in for free internet access to look up God knows what and to talk much too loudly to the other ne’er-do- wells. In addition, it was getting colder out so a lot of the crowd was loitering to get free heat under the guise of reading the latest James Patterson book.
One of the rules was “no food or drink in the library”. It absolutely incensed Nick when people thought that he was such a fool that he didn’t notice when they pulled a water bottle or chocolate bar out of their bags, took a quick sip or bite, and then put them away. Most of the time he didn’t even bother saying anything. The accused would only lie and say, “I didn’t know you couldn’t eat in here” although signs were posted all over the place, right next to the “Absolutely No Cell Phone Use” posters. Don’t even get him started on that one…
Nick is making his rounds and sees her! The rule-breaker who always eats granola bars in the place when she thinks no one is looking. Like a gift from heaven, she is asleep! There is no sleeping allowed in the library and his disturbing her inappropriately placed nap will be just the revenge he needs for having to clean up the many crumbs she has left in her wake.
As he none-too-gently shakes her awake, he is thinking, “doesn’t this loser have her own bed?” Yes, patient reader, the Rip Van Winkle does have her own bed. She went to the library as an excuse to get out of it.
I must stop writing now because I am very grouchy. I got rudely woken up from a very pleasant nap earlier.
Bimby’s Note: I said that I would not post stranger’s pictures on my blog - and I’m not (kinda). Even though Mark Hamill (aka Luke Skywalker) is a stranger to me, he’s a public figure and thus fair game! Ask TMZ!
What is Mark Hamill thinking?
Helen was the kind of person that some people found delightful. The majority of people who encountered her, however, simply found her annoying. She was helpful to the point of being overbearing; trying so hard to fill everyone’s every need that she made those around her feel claustrophobic. She had been married to Lou for 42 years. Lou had stopped listening to her at about the four year mark.
Helen worked at the jewelry counter at a big-box store and even though she was not selling Tiffany quality baubles, she took her work very seriously, approaching each sale like she was offering the Hope Diamond. Helen was not stupid. She knew that in this age of self-service and internet isolationism most customers found her “Hello, may I help you find something special today?” bothersome at best and downright obtrusive at worst. But she was not going to change her views just because the world around her had changed; community was her tether and without it she would float free.
Helen’s co-worker Lucy was everything that she was not: abrasive, sullen, disenfranchised, and angry. She had streaked blonde hair that would have seemed too young on a woman half her age. Her clothes were too tight and her morals were too loose (or so thinks Helen). She realized that her best years had passed her by and rather than take responsibility for a lifetime of bad choices, she blamed everyone around her for her misery, primarily Helen.
So, we find our two players in this drama behind their jewelry counter on a typical Monday afternoon and we ask ourselves, “what are they thinking?”
Helen is thinking of the Beatles song “Eleanor Rigby” and trying not to draw parallels to her own lonely life. Lucy is thinking that she would like to beat Helen to death with a club if it wasn’t felonious behavior.
